Don't You Hate It?

"Messing up" in life is embarassing. When I mess something up, I think I'm the hardest on myself. I become embarassed, confused, I over-compensate, and then when I feel bad enough, I apologize to anyone effected by my mistake. We learn from our mistakes in life, and they add character. Hence, it seems that the rewards from "failure" outweigh the "stupid consequences", but the "ride" is so bumpy sometimes... we get shaken up almost to the point of being unrecognizable afterwards. Sometimes, it seems the "ride" isn't worth it.
Thank you for your consideration.
Me.

Heaven Grants Glimpses...

"Heaven grants glimpses only to those not in a position to look too close."

-Robert Frost

I stood outside for about an hour and a half. It was 8 degrees out, and about every 15 minutes, I could catch a glimpse of the lunar eclipse. My tripod "burned" my unprotected hands which I uncovered to be able to push the small buttons, and manipulate the tiny dials on my camera. Between pictures I'd walk a little to keep warm, and driving lights in the darkness slowed... inquisitive. I was tracking the clouds, and could tell when, and where I would catch my glimpses, then I'd run back to the camera to take another set of shots. I had four opportunities to take my pictures in that time, and I got twenty-two of them. I was zoomed in so far that my shivering hands blurried most of them. This was my D-Day invasion, I guess. Of those twenty-two pictures, two of them came out. I carried my tripod back into my home, my hands frozen to the legs until I reached the warmth of the house. I ran to the computer to see what I could see. I was amazed that I had gotten two good pictures!

It really wasn't about those, was it?

Thank you for your consideration.

Me.

I've lost my hate. Now my head is cold.

Love and hate. More specifically, love and hate/violence. If you graph the "high" associated with both, the X axis being time, and the Y axis being the emotion felt, hate/violence creates a swift upturn on the Y axis, and then a sudden drop to the norm, whereas love creates a more gradual plateau. The results indicate that love is actually more of a gradual, prolonged "high" and that hate/violence result in a more intense, shorter lasting "high".
Both, however, can be imitated, biologically, by eating large amounts of chocolate.
Thank you for your consideration.
Me.

Did Doogie Howser just steal my f&*#%ing car?

So, it has been many moons since I have written to my blog fans. I have discovered a great site on the internet dedicated to being a solitary person. It's a place where you can discuss views and opinions on staying out of society's hair. Basically, it's a small meeting place for people that don't want to meet. Even the anonymous persons of the world want to be heard.
Categorization. People need categories. Labels. Things must be labeled to be understood. We even have labels for our labels. They're called labels!! So... how long has it been since you've come across something that has "mystery" to it? Science, religion, society... they all have names for stuff. There's even categories for the unknown. It's a linear system, as well as circular. Categories breed more categories which, in turn, breed more categories. It sometimes amazes me. Anyhoo... when a person can't be categorized, they are outcast. The "majority" can't deal with it, so they don't. Mob mentality. I've noticed that people are stupid. A person can be very intelligent, but people are stupid. And the bad thing is 1 person that is intelligent can't fight the people that are stupid. They're too strong. They have numbers and resources that the 1 person doesn't have. So, what happens to that 1 person? They're squished. They're run over, destroyed, dis-allowed. They don't count because they don't follow the "rules". And... this has always happened. Women, black people, Jewish people, anything that isn't in the "majority" at the time.
But... have you ever noticed that no matter what, eventually the people in the "minority" are recognized? As it turns out, we actually DO have something to say. We do have ideas to contribute to society. Sometimes, we even improve it a bit. We tend to look at problems differently, and discover new ways to solve those problems. When we look at a tree, we don't see a green amorphous shape, we see leaves, and bark, and the view behind the tree. It's all in how we see the world.
Sometimes there is a realization that looking at something through another person's eyes changes your perspective.
Thank you for your consideration.

A Little Nonsense...

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men."
I want to do stuff. "Stuff".
I want to design and build clocks. I want to write a book. I want to film a movie. I want to re-wire my house. I want to pop microwave popcorn with the "up" side "down". I want to study physics. I want to invent new things. I want to study people. I want to build a roll-top desk. I want to learn to play the piano or the guitar. I want to go to Romania and see "Dracula's Castle". I want to cook a complete French meal. I want to know more decimal places of pi (I only know it to 20 decimal places). I want to read poetry. I want to design and build kinetic art. I want to go to Alaska. I want to make a variable stroke, axial piston, positive displacement pump. I want to repair all of the antiques in my basement. I want to repair all of the antiques in my attic. I want to take pictures of sunsets. I want to explore the woods by my house (again). I want to build a dam.
I want to...
I want to...
I want to!

It doesn't rule my life.

I oft times wonder if I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). I walk through book stores and organize books. If there is a stack of books, and they're not straight, I must straighten them. I also count stuff. I don't have to clean things, as most people think you have to do if you have OCD. In fact, my house is a mess. BUT... I know where everything is in my house. I notice things... mostly when they are out of order, then I have to figure out a way to put them back in order. It's worse when I've drank caffeine. It doesn't rule my life. I can stop if I consciously think about it, but it seems to take more effort to think about it then it does not to. I've done this for quite some time, and I've suspected OCD for quite some time. But, it doesn't rule my life. It's simple, stupid things that get to me. Nothing exciting. I count the tiles on a ceiling, especially in my house. Then I do it again, and again, and again. I count the little "lines" that make up the numbers on a digital clock. Then I do it again, and again, and again. Then I have to count them a certain number of times before the time changes. I've got it down to a science. I count the walls in each room... Like I say, it doesn't rule my life. If I go to a resteraunt, and the beverage glass has flat sides ie: hexagon, octagon, etc... I have to count the sides, then the glass must be square with the coaster and/or the place mat which must be square with the table. Even-ness is good. I also obsess about "stuff". Well, just about everything. Failure is a big one. I won't attempt something if there is a chance I will fail at it (this being on a graduated scale.) This makes me very strange in social situations. I am 31 years old and have never been on a date. I figure, statistically speaking, I'd fail.
I was diagnosed with OCD in 2001.
BUT... it doesn't rule my life.

I'm OK, You're Catatonic

"I don't know what's real anymore... When I was young, my mother told me Santa Claus was real. But when I got older- she told me he wasn't. One book says Jesus is real: one book says he isn't. We're living in the greatest country in the world! and we're murdering each other in the streets. What did they expect when they made us believe in the tooth fairy and the easter bunny then gave us the nuclear bomb to play with... Hey diddle diddle the cat and the fiddle is a lie like all the rest, the astronauts killed the man in the moon, growing up took care of the rest. If you leave me... I think I'll die."